A good bedtime routine is a few steps in the same order every night, started earlier than feels necessary. Here it is counted back from lights out, and what changes at each age.
The routine, worked backward
The order matters more than the exact times. Count back from lights out, and start earlier than feels necessary. It almost always takes longer than you think.
1½ hours before
Dinner
Eating this far out leaves room for a bath without rushing.
45 min before
Bath, lights low
Or screens off, if it isn't a bath night.
25 min before
PJs and teeth
15 min before
Books and cuddles
Lights out
Lights out
Same time every night, give or take fifteen minutes.
Toddlers, 1 to 2
Sleep
11 to 14 hours a day, naps included
Typical lights out
6:30 to 7:30
Routine
About 30 minutes
Keep it to the same four or five steps, in the same order, every night. Toddlers settle when they know what comes next.
Give one small choice, like which pajamas or which of two books. It takes the fight out of the rest.
Dim the lights once bath starts. That's the signal their body is waiting for.
Preschoolers, 3 to 5
Sleep
10 to 13 hours, naps included
Typical lights out
7:00 to 8:00
Routine
30 to 40 minutes
Plan for the stalling. Build the "one more" into the routine, one more book, one more hug, so there's nothing left to ask for.
A picture chart of the steps lets them run the routine and feel in charge of it.
If they just dropped their nap, move lights out earlier for a few weeks, not later.
Ages 6 to 9
Sleep
9 to 12 hours
Typical lights out
7:30 to 8:30
Routine
30 to 45 minutes
Hand over the steps they can own, like PJs, teeth and laying out tomorrow's clothes, and keep books as your part.
Fifteen minutes of reading in bed makes a good landing, and it's a habit they keep for years.
Screens off before bath, not after. The last half hour sets the night.
Ages 10 to 12
Sleep
9 to 12 hours
Typical lights out
8:30 to 9:30
Routine
About 30 minutes
Phones and tablets charge outside the bedroom. That rule is easier to set at ten than at thirteen.
Sit on the edge of the bed for a few minutes. Kids this age talk more in the dark than they do at dinner.
Keep weekend lights out within an hour of school nights, or Mondays get rough.
Sleep hours are the American Academy of Sleep Medicine's recommended ranges, which the American Academy of Pediatrics endorses. Typical lights-out times assume a 6:30 to 7:00 wake-up. For your kid's own wake time, use the bedtime calculator.
Handy to have
An ok-to-wake clock It turns green when it's time to get up, which saves a lot of 5:40am conversations. Find one
A white noise machine Covers the dishwasher, the dog and the older sibling. Find one
A dim night light Warm and low. Bright enough for a bathroom trip, not for playing. Find one
A few short bedtime books For the nights books are the step you're running late on. Find one
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Nightlight builds this routine for tonight, with real times, from your lights out and how much energy you have left. Tap each step as you go.